Self Reflection on Judgement

In the last 2 weeks, I wrote In my head a few texts for this journal, none of them made it to paper while my observations kept evolving.

During these observations I suddenly discovered that the things I want to change in myself that take longer or don't happen, are the things I still judge myself for doing so or I secretly judge other people for doing that thing/keeping the same habit.

The self judgment part is mostly disguised as telling myself "I should do this instead of doing that"; then feeling like "that's the way I always should be", when I make the "right" thing. So it keeps me from loving myself as a whole and being human.

Another side to it is that there are things I struggled to change in myself because I was criticized for it by people (close to me - most of the time) and if I start to tell myself that I deserve all the respect, suddenly the critics stop and that quality in me becomes respected and I become respected for being me.

A third point I want to add is, before metaphysics (and even after it at some days), I was thinking that "following your heart and singing your song was about to do only the things that you love in life and be productive in those areas and go only to places that really supports this side of you", so I was becoming unproductive and unhappy whenever the right circumstances didn't happen and I would incessantly judge myself for it. Today I teach myself the inner peace in whichever circumstances and savoring the very small details that make life beautiful and give myself another chance whenever I couldn't do it.

After writing the paragraphs above, I made Hoʻoponopono saying myself "this is for the part of me who judges anything in any way", I felt a huge type of blockage in my heart chakra area, and I kept repeating Hoʻoponopono for more than 30 times without a break, and it felt like that blockage melted gradually, finally with a feeling of relief. It was so intense, in parts of the process I felt like even my breathing was blocked.

DB